This continues directly from yesterday’s post (Day 5).
To be able to choose your way at all is a huge fucking privilege. It’s a strange and heavy freedom, the freedom to change. Stupid as it sounds, I bore it like a burden the whole of that first year. I remember it as The Season of Doubt. Nothing I did had much conviction, even though I did a lot of it. I’d stepped off that damn road and where was I going? Nowhere. Stuck fucking stuck.
I remember when things started to turn around. It was like… leaves changing colour. Didn’t even notice it happening. One of the signs was that I simply started being able to identify the things I wanted to do, and say no to those I didn’t.
It was around that time, I started noticing the weeds in the garden.
What am I trying to say?
I think there are certain changes you need to make. Others, you need to let happen. We live in a world where everyone recognizes (and idolizes) the importance of the first, but we don’t understand much about the second.
Maybe every big change comes with its Season of Doubt. Like a gift set, you know? The shampoo comes with the fucking bath gel. Maybe deep down, we sense this, that we’ll need to face the change after the Change, and are shit scared of it.
The more we change, the more we know about it, and the less scared we are.
Those that don’t change stay scared.